Hello 2020! How not nice to finally meet you!
This is a year I am not looking forward to (though maybe I should).
The first 6 months will consist of the last of my university life, yea, it's weird that it's ending all of a sudden! I cannot wait for it to be over, even though I have enjoyed my time here, there is just so much that I hoped for with this university programme that just didn't happen. I still think the quality of it is low, and as I have probably said before: If I had been younger I would have switched to another programme, but within the same field of programming, because that is still very much fun.
So, for 2.5 years now I have been dreading the unevitable bachelor's thesis because I am just not interested, to me it feels like a waste of time and just dreadfully boring! But now I actually have to accept that the time is almost here and I have to try to put my negative feelings aside and pull through these lat 6 months of school. The bachelors thesis is technically only taking place during a 3 month period but we are allowed to start a lot sooner, which many people will, also writing the proposal will start in January as well.
Okay, let's say I make it through these next six months (that I imagine will feel like hell after these very fun and relaxed 6+ months I have had so far, haha) which I will because it might even be better than I am expecting, I am a pessimist after all and I don't want my negative emotions about something that has already happened make the thing that will happen actually become negative once it does happen? Get it? ... I just wish I had more of an open mind about these upcoming 6 months, and I will try to.. soon! Anyway, after these 6 months of possible hell, I will then suddenly have to: move out, try to find a new apartment or place to stay, try to find a job, try to decide whether to stay in Gothenburg or not! It feels like a mess.
I kind of want to stay in Gothenburg still, at least for 1-3 years, BUT the plan I had for doing this kind of failed. Seems like I might not be able to share an apartment with friends anymore, since they might want to live alone, and in that case I would have to find an apartment alone. Buuut that's not easy to do here unless you can afford a rent of 11000-17000 kr a month! Which I cant, of course.So if I am to live in Gothenburg alone I almost certainly have to live in one room in someone elses apartment "inneboende" as it's called. So it's not really alone, at all. It's not how I imagine my life as a grown-up.
Maybe I will still go for it, maybe I will try sharing an apartment with some random person for a while. But I don't want to. The price for a room in Gothenburg can be as much as 6000 kr (most common is 5000kr) which is pretty much more than the person renting the place pays in rent each month. It feels like a big scam. But what other choice is there if you want to live in Gothenburg in this day n age?
So in the end I might leave Gothenburg, honestly I still haven't made up my mind yet. But I could leave, wait a few more years (maybe 10) until I have a shit ton of queue points on boplats.se and then rent a great apartment there are work there for a few years like I wanted to, just for fun. Then again, by that time there might be other reasons why this wouldn't be possible.
I have some idea where to go if I leave Gothenburg though, so I just need to make up my mind, which I think is going to take a while because I really thought I would work here after I finished school. Now I am not sure, and it's messing up the plan. The thing that makes me even less capable of making a decision though is the fact that I might not even find my own place to live even if I choose to live outside of Gothenburg. Maybe I move and I still end up living in a shared apartment with some rando? What to do..
2020 will be full of questioning of my decisions, that's what I feel!
