Why the sudden lack of interest?

I haven't really been feeling like doing schoolwork lately, though I guess no one really ever does, eh?
But I realized my lack of interest probably lies in a couple of things - first being that I no longer want to work with manga.

gasp!

When I came to Japan I really did not know anything about manga. I have always drawn manga characters ever since reading my first manga, but I never really knew how the acutal comic was made.

I didn't know that you use these pens you dip in ink, and I had no idea what tones were! It was all new to me.
Another thing I didn't know was that people who want to work with manga all move to Tokyo (which seems like common knowledge among Japanese people)! I don't want to move to Tokyo, dude!

Also, I've heard more and more stories from teachers working as manga assistants, how it is the worst job possible and a really low point in their lives. But if you want to eventually work with your own manga you need to first work as an assistant, and if you want to be an assistant you need to be good at things such as: tones, drawing backgrounds (buildings etc), and I suck at those things!

It's not like I am good at drawing characters either, one of my new teachers told me that I should get better at drawing with the fountain pen, but what the heck, I can't get better just like that even if you tell me! It takes time, all I can do is keep trying.

If I suck at all things assistants need to do, I will not be able to have that work. Probably better if I didn't get it though, cause I know how hard it would be. If it were Sweden it would be fine, but in Japan it's just too crazy and demanding for me.

So basically I've given up on my "dreams" of working with manga, and have put it aside as a hobby like it always has been. The internet is where my manga will be seen, at sites like DA etc.

Apart from this I have also finally found a university program (that also happens to be at my favorite uni) I feel really excited about. I never really knew what I wanted to do, but now I feel pretty sure, and I wish I could enter this program as soon as possible.

With a new goal in sight my will to focus on manga is not that strong. But there is nothing I can do, I've got another year left and I would never forgive myself if I gave up just because I don't want to work with it anymore.

It's hard sometimes, and I forget to be thankful for this opportunity. But if I had never gotten here I probably would never find another goal, because I desperately wanted to get here. So finally I have come to the point where I've moved on from "JAPAN JAPAN JAPAN!" to finding other things I want to do and experience, and that too is a great thing! Gotta keep on fighting because I know that these 2 years here have gone by sooo fast, and so will this last year even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

I miss Sweden, and I know there are so many things I will miss about Japan, Osaka, my friends here, my apartment, my school, my old school etc etc etc. I shouldn't complain, should probably go watch Hetalia instead.. lol

One last hetalia pic