Hello 2020! How not nice to finally meet you!
This is a year I am not looking forward to (though maybe I should).
The first 6 months will consist of the last of my university life, yea, it's weird that it's ending all of a sudden! I cannot wait for it to be over, even though I have enjoyed my time here, there is just so much that I hoped for with this university programme that just didn't happen. I still think the quality of it is low, and as I have probably said before: If I had been younger I would have switched to another programme, but within the same field of programming, because that is still very much fun.
So, for 2.5 years now I have been dreading the unevitable bachelor's thesis because I am just not interested, to me it feels like a waste of time and just dreadfully boring! But now I actually have to accept that the time is almost here and I have to try to put my negative feelings aside and pull through these lat 6 months of school. The bachelors thesis is technically only taking place during a 3 month period but we are allowed to start a lot sooner, which many people will, also writing the proposal will start in January as well.
Okay, let's say I make it through these next six months (that I imagine will feel like hell after these very fun and relaxed 6+ months I have had so far, haha) which I will because it might even be better than I am expecting, I am a pessimist after all and I don't want my negative emotions about something that has already happened make the thing that will happen actually become negative once it does happen? Get it? ... I just wish I had more of an open mind about these upcoming 6 months, and I will try to.. soon! Anyway, after these 6 months of possible hell, I will then suddenly have to: move out, try to find a new apartment or place to stay, try to find a job, try to decide whether to stay in Gothenburg or not! It feels like a mess.
I kind of want to stay in Gothenburg still, at least for 1-3 years, BUT the plan I had for doing this kind of failed. Seems like I might not be able to share an apartment with friends anymore, since they might want to live alone, and in that case I would have to find an apartment alone. Buuut that's not easy to do here unless you can afford a rent of 11000-17000 kr a month! Which I cant, of course.So if I am to live in Gothenburg alone I almost certainly have to live in one room in someone elses apartment "inneboende" as it's called. So it's not really alone, at all. It's not how I imagine my life as a grown-up.
Maybe I will still go for it, maybe I will try sharing an apartment with some random person for a while. But I don't want to. The price for a room in Gothenburg can be as much as 6000 kr (most common is 5000kr) which is pretty much more than the person renting the place pays in rent each month. It feels like a big scam. But what other choice is there if you want to live in Gothenburg in this day n age?
So in the end I might leave Gothenburg, honestly I still haven't made up my mind yet. But I could leave, wait a few more years (maybe 10) until I have a shit ton of queue points on boplats.se and then rent a great apartment there are work there for a few years like I wanted to, just for fun. Then again, by that time there might be other reasons why this wouldn't be possible.
I have some idea where to go if I leave Gothenburg though, so I just need to make up my mind, which I think is going to take a while because I really thought I would work here after I finished school. Now I am not sure, and it's messing up the plan. The thing that makes me even less capable of making a decision though is the fact that I might not even find my own place to live even if I choose to live outside of Gothenburg. Maybe I move and I still end up living in a shared apartment with some rando? What to do..
2020 will be full of questioning of my decisions, that's what I feel!
Jan 5, 2020
Nov 23, 2019
Pondering the future again, will it ever end (referring to the pondering)?
I've been back in Gothenburg for a while now, my trip in Korea actually passed by pretty quickly and so has my time here.
When I first came to Korea I wondered how I would make a whole month go by, time felt like it was moving so slowly. But after about a week everything just went by in the blink of an eye. Most days I went out exploring and on the weekend I would go to Seoul to see live traditional performances and go to museums and so on. There was a lot to do in Daejeon as well, though on the smaller scale. Museums, parks, cafes, art related stuff.
The last 2 days of my trip I visited Busan, which I enjoyed a lot! I took a tour there, which visited like 4 different places in one day and that was a bit hectic but an experience in and of itself.
All in all I had a fine time in Korea, nothing to complain about, but it was warm! Even in October my first week there was all 30 degree celcius days. I am just not up for something like this again and after this trip I have decided I will not be studying in South Korea, though I will definitely be back for vacation purposes! Next I want to go to Jeju island, and also back to Busan for a longer visit.
So now I've sadly ruled out Korea as my next study destination and Australia (which was also a contendor) is also off the list because they no longer provide the same kind of scholarships as they did. My list is now very short and I will have to do more research as to where I should study in the future... it either has to be a country where education is free or very cheap or a country that provides good scholarships to cover the education costs.
Then there is this other thing I've been thinking about: I've been wanting to get a dog for years and I thought I would get one after I've taken my masters and started working but since I decided to wait at least a year, possibly longer before pursuing a masters, this is starting to seem like a very distant dream. I wish I could have a dog now, or at least soon. It makes me so sad thinking about this. I could litterally go and buy a dog right now, it could be mine, but buying one is the easy part and after that comes the hard part and I've never owned a dog before so it would not be a good idea to buy one now.
But then I think I could buy it in the summer, maybe my mum would let me stay in her house in June, July, August and I could take care of the puppy there before starting to work in September.
That's probably not going to happen either.
So if not now, and not summer, then when? When will I have the time for this? Man, everything is so much easier with cats and I love cats so much but I love animals in general and I couldn't go through my life without ever owning a dog, you know? It would be such a missed opportunity.
Anyway, I am just feeling very sad about this right now, that's why I am rambling on about it. I shouldn't have recalculated the cost of having a dog because that made me realize that I could have one soon, I could even afford to have one now since I am home most days and thus wouldn't have to pay someone to walk it. Ignorance is bliss, if I had just kept believing that a dog was out of my reach I wouldn't be here now wishing I had one already.
When I first came to Korea I wondered how I would make a whole month go by, time felt like it was moving so slowly. But after about a week everything just went by in the blink of an eye. Most days I went out exploring and on the weekend I would go to Seoul to see live traditional performances and go to museums and so on. There was a lot to do in Daejeon as well, though on the smaller scale. Museums, parks, cafes, art related stuff.
The last 2 days of my trip I visited Busan, which I enjoyed a lot! I took a tour there, which visited like 4 different places in one day and that was a bit hectic but an experience in and of itself.
All in all I had a fine time in Korea, nothing to complain about, but it was warm! Even in October my first week there was all 30 degree celcius days. I am just not up for something like this again and after this trip I have decided I will not be studying in South Korea, though I will definitely be back for vacation purposes! Next I want to go to Jeju island, and also back to Busan for a longer visit.
So now I've sadly ruled out Korea as my next study destination and Australia (which was also a contendor) is also off the list because they no longer provide the same kind of scholarships as they did. My list is now very short and I will have to do more research as to where I should study in the future... it either has to be a country where education is free or very cheap or a country that provides good scholarships to cover the education costs.
Then there is this other thing I've been thinking about: I've been wanting to get a dog for years and I thought I would get one after I've taken my masters and started working but since I decided to wait at least a year, possibly longer before pursuing a masters, this is starting to seem like a very distant dream. I wish I could have a dog now, or at least soon. It makes me so sad thinking about this. I could litterally go and buy a dog right now, it could be mine, but buying one is the easy part and after that comes the hard part and I've never owned a dog before so it would not be a good idea to buy one now.
But then I think I could buy it in the summer, maybe my mum would let me stay in her house in June, July, August and I could take care of the puppy there before starting to work in September.
That's probably not going to happen either.
So if not now, and not summer, then when? When will I have the time for this? Man, everything is so much easier with cats and I love cats so much but I love animals in general and I couldn't go through my life without ever owning a dog, you know? It would be such a missed opportunity.
Anyway, I am just feeling very sad about this right now, that's why I am rambling on about it. I shouldn't have recalculated the cost of having a dog because that made me realize that I could have one soon, I could even afford to have one now since I am home most days and thus wouldn't have to pay someone to walk it. Ignorance is bliss, if I had just kept believing that a dog was out of my reach I wouldn't be here now wishing I had one already.
Oct 3, 2019
Traveling Japan and South Korea
Being back in Japan again was a weird feeling, even though it had been 2.5 years since I left I came to Japan just feeling the exact same as I had when I had lived there. It was like I had never even left. Maybe it was just the feeling of "this is normal" that came over me and made me a little bit bored initially.
Of course I was glad to meet my friends, that was the main reason why I wanted to go back to Japan in the first place. I guess I had also thought that if I went to Tokyo and not Osaka I would not get the feeling of "this is normal", but I did. So the days I spent in Tokyo weren't super interesting, except for going to the Ghibli museum, because that was great.
Anyway the feeling didn't last long though because me and a friend quickly left Tokyo to visit another friend in Ibaraki where just staying in their apartment and eating the home made food and going to places in Ibaraki made it feel like I was experiencing something new.
It was an interesting few days, I got a bit down because of the jet lag I guess and then I got sick for maybe half a day too and caught a cold pretty early on. Then my friend got a bit sick too and left a day earlier than me. It sounds like a mess, and it kind of was, but all in all it was fun! We weren't really able to do any of the things we planned, like BBQ (it was raining) and going to a big park nearby (because they closed it on that day), but we found other things to spend time on!
After spending a few days in Ibaraki I came back to Tokyo and stayed at my friends place there. They were working for like 3 days (?) in a row so I spend a few days alone in Tokyo. I went to a Samurai museum, a cool park-thing in Todoroki and bought some Harry Potter books that I sent back to Sweden right away (hopefully they will arrive after I get back).
The main part of the trip though was me and my friend going to Nagano for 3 days. It doesn't sound like a long time but we did quite a lot of things and it was a really fullfilling trip. Our first day we went to a little town called Obuse where we ate a lot of good food and saw many beautiful houses and mountains.
The day after that we went up on a mountain and hiked through a forest to various places. Throughout the forest they had put up signs saying "Beware of bears!", which kind of scared me a little, but thankfully we did not encounter a bear.
In the forest you can take a trail to a lake which is called "Mirror lake" and on clear days it will show you a beautiful reflection of the mountains behind. When we were there we saw nothing, and the big mountains lay hidden behind clouds. It was okay though, I liked the weather, it was a perfect temperature which I already miss.
To end the day on the mountain we ate some delicious cold soba, and some ice cream and went to a ninja museum!
Lastly after the trip to Nagano I had about one day left in Tokyo, and was able to meet a friend who came up for a quick visit. We didn't really know what to do or where to go though since we couldn't go anywhere too far from the city center. In the end we just ate some food at a "Mexican restaurant" (it was basically Japanese food in my opinion) and then went to Tokyo station to find a café where we could sit and talk. Turns out though that that was harder to do then we planned and we ended up not getting in to any cafe because the lines were looong. Honestly it was kind of a fail day but I had fun, and I hope my friends did too!
So, that was my Japan trip, in very short terms. Maybe later when I am not so lazy I can go in and edit this post to add pictures... we will see!
-----------
Up next is Korea, where I went right after being in Japan and I am still here! It's gonna be long "vacation" here (I put it in quotation mark because I have to spend most of my days studying anyway) and the first week has not been as expected.
In Korea I am staying in Daejeon. It was pretty easy to get here from the airport but it took a long time! And in Korea I´ve been eaten by bugs every day, doesn't matter if I stay inside my room with all doors and windows shut or outside, they still come and get me! There is always somewhere where I've been bitten and subsequently it starts itching. I can live with it but at first I thought it was lice or something in the room so I got a bit scared that I might have to find another place to stay. Luckily it worked out, the little bastards are creeping in from the outside.
I didn't expect all the bugs. I've never been bitten in Japan. And another thing I wasn't expecting was that there would be 30 degrees celcius heat outside in September/October. Of course I try to research these things but it's difficult when it comes to weather.
Last time I was in Korea coming from Japan, Korea was a lot colder so I just assumed that generally in fall/winter it would be a bit colder than Japan, but I was wrong.
30 degrees is fine, and it is slowly dropping, but I honestly had hoped that I would not have to walk around in sandals and shorts on sunny days.
Okay, that's it for now. More on the Korea trip later, it's long so might as well give it its own post!
Of course I was glad to meet my friends, that was the main reason why I wanted to go back to Japan in the first place. I guess I had also thought that if I went to Tokyo and not Osaka I would not get the feeling of "this is normal", but I did. So the days I spent in Tokyo weren't super interesting, except for going to the Ghibli museum, because that was great.
Anyway the feeling didn't last long though because me and a friend quickly left Tokyo to visit another friend in Ibaraki where just staying in their apartment and eating the home made food and going to places in Ibaraki made it feel like I was experiencing something new.
It was an interesting few days, I got a bit down because of the jet lag I guess and then I got sick for maybe half a day too and caught a cold pretty early on. Then my friend got a bit sick too and left a day earlier than me. It sounds like a mess, and it kind of was, but all in all it was fun! We weren't really able to do any of the things we planned, like BBQ (it was raining) and going to a big park nearby (because they closed it on that day), but we found other things to spend time on!
After spending a few days in Ibaraki I came back to Tokyo and stayed at my friends place there. They were working for like 3 days (?) in a row so I spend a few days alone in Tokyo. I went to a Samurai museum, a cool park-thing in Todoroki and bought some Harry Potter books that I sent back to Sweden right away (hopefully they will arrive after I get back).
The main part of the trip though was me and my friend going to Nagano for 3 days. It doesn't sound like a long time but we did quite a lot of things and it was a really fullfilling trip. Our first day we went to a little town called Obuse where we ate a lot of good food and saw many beautiful houses and mountains.
The day after that we went up on a mountain and hiked through a forest to various places. Throughout the forest they had put up signs saying "Beware of bears!", which kind of scared me a little, but thankfully we did not encounter a bear.
In the forest you can take a trail to a lake which is called "Mirror lake" and on clear days it will show you a beautiful reflection of the mountains behind. When we were there we saw nothing, and the big mountains lay hidden behind clouds. It was okay though, I liked the weather, it was a perfect temperature which I already miss.
To end the day on the mountain we ate some delicious cold soba, and some ice cream and went to a ninja museum!
Lastly after the trip to Nagano I had about one day left in Tokyo, and was able to meet a friend who came up for a quick visit. We didn't really know what to do or where to go though since we couldn't go anywhere too far from the city center. In the end we just ate some food at a "Mexican restaurant" (it was basically Japanese food in my opinion) and then went to Tokyo station to find a café where we could sit and talk. Turns out though that that was harder to do then we planned and we ended up not getting in to any cafe because the lines were looong. Honestly it was kind of a fail day but I had fun, and I hope my friends did too!
So, that was my Japan trip, in very short terms. Maybe later when I am not so lazy I can go in and edit this post to add pictures... we will see!
-----------
Up next is Korea, where I went right after being in Japan and I am still here! It's gonna be long "vacation" here (I put it in quotation mark because I have to spend most of my days studying anyway) and the first week has not been as expected.
In Korea I am staying in Daejeon. It was pretty easy to get here from the airport but it took a long time! And in Korea I´ve been eaten by bugs every day, doesn't matter if I stay inside my room with all doors and windows shut or outside, they still come and get me! There is always somewhere where I've been bitten and subsequently it starts itching. I can live with it but at first I thought it was lice or something in the room so I got a bit scared that I might have to find another place to stay. Luckily it worked out, the little bastards are creeping in from the outside.
I didn't expect all the bugs. I've never been bitten in Japan. And another thing I wasn't expecting was that there would be 30 degrees celcius heat outside in September/October. Of course I try to research these things but it's difficult when it comes to weather.
Last time I was in Korea coming from Japan, Korea was a lot colder so I just assumed that generally in fall/winter it would be a bit colder than Japan, but I was wrong.
30 degrees is fine, and it is slowly dropping, but I honestly had hoped that I would not have to walk around in sandals and shorts on sunny days.
Okay, that's it for now. More on the Korea trip later, it's long so might as well give it its own post!
Aug 3, 2019
Back to WaniKani (again)!
For some reason I felt like starting WaniKani again, after not having used it since 2013-2014 before I went to Japan. I didn't really want to pay for it but it turned out that since I had been a beta user back in the days I got quite a nice discount so I decided to take the chance after all.
(I am not going indepth into explaining WaniKani here, just so you know!)
WaniKani is used to help you remember Kanji and learn Japanese words through the use of mnemonics. I really liked it back when I used it but it does take a lot of time and if you don't use it every day the reviews and lessons you have will pile up into insane amounts.
So after not having used it for like 5 years I expected a shit ton of never ending reviews but that didn't happen. I guess when you stop your subscription the SRS (spaced repetitoin system) clock also stops, so it's been quite chill for the few days I've been using it now.
In my experience WaniKani is the best way to learn Kanji but it's not perfect so this time around I tried to make it as good as I could by installing some of the available scripts and trying out KaniWani on the side.
Scripts can help you order your reviews and lessons, and undo mistakes in typing and so on (that last one is easy to abuse, I've noticed) which is really helpful. That way I can finish studying the radicals of the kanji, then the kanji themselves and then the complete words.
KaniWani is like WaniKani but they show you words in English instead and you have to find the Japanese translation, picking the right kanji and such. It's good and serves a purpose but it's hard to keep up with using WaniKani and KaniWani at the same time since they are both very time consuming.
When I was using WaniKani before I had never been to Japan and I couldn't really speak Japanese very well and that's how it is for most people using WaniKani and they still get a lot out of it and learn a lot. But this time is different for me as I now can speak Japanese and a lot of the kanji on the website I already know to varying degrees. It's a lot easier. I feel like already having this knowledge might make WaniKani an even better resource, because it's a way to keep up what you know so that you don't forget it over time and it's easy to use because you know the language. Learning kanji isn't a daunting task now, it's something familiar and brings back good memories (at least for me, lol).
Maybe it's also more fun because I don't feel the pressure to learn in the fastest time possible now, I can use WaniKani for 30-60 minutes a day and not feel bad about leaving reviews for the next day.
I do recommend WaniKani for people that already know a lot of kanji (unless you know everything on there already, which I sure don't!) because kanji knowledge and vocab doesn't stick forever the way we would all want it to. We all need some kind of repetition system available, and WaniKani is a fun one!
Anyway, with this random post out of the way I guess I should go back to studying some more kanji, just to set a good example for myself!
(I am not going indepth into explaining WaniKani here, just so you know!)
WaniKani is used to help you remember Kanji and learn Japanese words through the use of mnemonics. I really liked it back when I used it but it does take a lot of time and if you don't use it every day the reviews and lessons you have will pile up into insane amounts.
So after not having used it for like 5 years I expected a shit ton of never ending reviews but that didn't happen. I guess when you stop your subscription the SRS (spaced repetitoin system) clock also stops, so it's been quite chill for the few days I've been using it now.
In my experience WaniKani is the best way to learn Kanji but it's not perfect so this time around I tried to make it as good as I could by installing some of the available scripts and trying out KaniWani on the side.
Scripts can help you order your reviews and lessons, and undo mistakes in typing and so on (that last one is easy to abuse, I've noticed) which is really helpful. That way I can finish studying the radicals of the kanji, then the kanji themselves and then the complete words.
KaniWani is like WaniKani but they show you words in English instead and you have to find the Japanese translation, picking the right kanji and such. It's good and serves a purpose but it's hard to keep up with using WaniKani and KaniWani at the same time since they are both very time consuming.
When I was using WaniKani before I had never been to Japan and I couldn't really speak Japanese very well and that's how it is for most people using WaniKani and they still get a lot out of it and learn a lot. But this time is different for me as I now can speak Japanese and a lot of the kanji on the website I already know to varying degrees. It's a lot easier. I feel like already having this knowledge might make WaniKani an even better resource, because it's a way to keep up what you know so that you don't forget it over time and it's easy to use because you know the language. Learning kanji isn't a daunting task now, it's something familiar and brings back good memories (at least for me, lol).
Maybe it's also more fun because I don't feel the pressure to learn in the fastest time possible now, I can use WaniKani for 30-60 minutes a day and not feel bad about leaving reviews for the next day.
I do recommend WaniKani for people that already know a lot of kanji (unless you know everything on there already, which I sure don't!) because kanji knowledge and vocab doesn't stick forever the way we would all want it to. We all need some kind of repetition system available, and WaniKani is a fun one!
Anyway, with this random post out of the way I guess I should go back to studying some more kanji, just to set a good example for myself!
Jun 21, 2019
Keeping in touch with friends on the other side of the planet
I am finally on summer vacation again, though I am trying to finish up my extra math courses now so that's taking up quite a lot of my time. It's not going super well, but it's fine, I guess.
During summer I usually go home to my "home town" which is nice, but it's pretty far from Gothenburg and thus I can't really meet anyone who lives in Gothenburg during the summer, well, I would if I had money but now I have to save all my money for the trip!
I will be going down to Gothenburg at the end of August for a few days though, which is nice.
It's kind of hard for me to keep up with people online, people I don't see every day or every week or month. It's easy to forget them, even though I don't want to, there is just so much else going on.
In Japan I met a lot of nice people, and I am keeping in touch with just a few of them today on a regular basis. Me and 2 friends in Japan even started a cross-continental book club, it's gone quite well so far, way better than the book club we started at SEM (where we only read 1 book and then it just kind of died out). So far we've read maybe 5(?) books.
Having something set like a book club is a good way to remember to keep in touch I suppose. Just setting specific times a week for a chat is a good way of doing it.
When there is no set structure to your chats or talks, I guess that's when things eventually die out.
But even if that happens it's always possible to start up a conversation again, even if years have gone by, I know that. You just have to work on it, and the other person has to work on it too. Some people are easier to keep up a friendship with than others, but anything is possible.
I am just rambling, really, but I just wanted to remind myself of this.
During summer I usually go home to my "home town" which is nice, but it's pretty far from Gothenburg and thus I can't really meet anyone who lives in Gothenburg during the summer, well, I would if I had money but now I have to save all my money for the trip!
I will be going down to Gothenburg at the end of August for a few days though, which is nice.
It's kind of hard for me to keep up with people online, people I don't see every day or every week or month. It's easy to forget them, even though I don't want to, there is just so much else going on.
In Japan I met a lot of nice people, and I am keeping in touch with just a few of them today on a regular basis. Me and 2 friends in Japan even started a cross-continental book club, it's gone quite well so far, way better than the book club we started at SEM (where we only read 1 book and then it just kind of died out). So far we've read maybe 5(?) books.
Having something set like a book club is a good way to remember to keep in touch I suppose. Just setting specific times a week for a chat is a good way of doing it.
When there is no set structure to your chats or talks, I guess that's when things eventually die out.
But even if that happens it's always possible to start up a conversation again, even if years have gone by, I know that. You just have to work on it, and the other person has to work on it too. Some people are easier to keep up a friendship with than others, but anything is possible.
I am just rambling, really, but I just wanted to remind myself of this.
Apr 7, 2019
スウェーデンに帰ってから2年間が立っての日本語ブログ記事！yikes..
スウェーデンに帰ったのはちょうど2年前ぐらい、２０１７年４月１日でした。帰ってから日本語を話す機会とか書く機会などはもちろんあまりなくて、少しずつ日本語は覚えなくなっています。でもまだけっけうしゃべれますし、日本語で書いてある本などは普通に読めますし、この変化は速く起こりません。それはいいことかもしれませんけど、ちょっと怖い、いつの間にか日本語がわからなくなるような気がします。まだ大丈夫だと自分は思ってたらその日はきっといつか来ますよね。
日本語はやっぱり私の一番好きな言語ですし、また日本に沢山旅行したいし、今まだ持ってる日本語能力を無駄にはしたくありません。でもスウェーデンで1人で日本語の勉強をするのはちょっと難しいですよね。何を勉強すればいいのかを考えてしまいます。日本語で書いてある本は少しあって、それを読むのは好きなんですけど、やっぱそれだけでは足りません。自分が話さなかったら、書かなかったら新しい言葉とか文法などは身につけません。本とか動画とかはもちろんそれなりに大事なものなんですけど、それだけでは日本語は上手にはなりません。
たまには自分は めっちゃ日本語を話したい！聞きたい！っていう気持ちに溢れてNetflixとかでドラマやアニメを見たり、自分だけと日本語で会話をしたり、日本の曲を歌ったりしてちょっとでもまんぞくになりますけど、ちょっと寂しいですｗｗｗ。
クラスには日本人いませんし、たぶん学校全体にはいませんよね。日本人でない人の中にも日本語喋れる人まだ会ってませんし、どうしようかなって感じになります。まあ、たまにはSkypeでまだ日本に住んでいる友達と話しますけどその時は日本語使いたくてもほとんど英語になっちゃいます。
これからはもっと頑張らないとあかんねんって思ってますので、ブログでもっと日本語のブログ記事を書きましょう！丁寧語でのブログ記事、大阪弁でのブログ記事など！今それをしなかったらいつにするでしょうか？今しかありません！やばいよ！
日本語はやっぱり私の一番好きな言語ですし、また日本に沢山旅行したいし、今まだ持ってる日本語能力を無駄にはしたくありません。でもスウェーデンで1人で日本語の勉強をするのはちょっと難しいですよね。何を勉強すればいいのかを考えてしまいます。日本語で書いてある本は少しあって、それを読むのは好きなんですけど、やっぱそれだけでは足りません。自分が話さなかったら、書かなかったら新しい言葉とか文法などは身につけません。本とか動画とかはもちろんそれなりに大事なものなんですけど、それだけでは日本語は上手にはなりません。
たまには自分は めっちゃ日本語を話したい！聞きたい！っていう気持ちに溢れてNetflixとかでドラマやアニメを見たり、自分だけと日本語で会話をしたり、日本の曲を歌ったりしてちょっとでもまんぞくになりますけど、ちょっと寂しいですｗｗｗ。
クラスには日本人いませんし、たぶん学校全体にはいませんよね。日本人でない人の中にも日本語喋れる人まだ会ってませんし、どうしようかなって感じになります。まあ、たまにはSkypeでまだ日本に住んでいる友達と話しますけどその時は日本語使いたくてもほとんど英語になっちゃいます。
これからはもっと頑張らないとあかんねんって思ってますので、ブログでもっと日本語のブログ記事を書きましょう！丁寧語でのブログ記事、大阪弁でのブログ記事など！今それをしなかったらいつにするでしょうか？今しかありません！やばいよ！
Mar 17, 2019
将来には何も見えない
Exams are coming up and like usual 3 weeks before the exams I got into a bit of a panic thinking I would never have time to study enough to get the grade I want, so I contemplated not taking the exams at all and do them later instead.
But now the exams are 2 days away and things have been pretty chill for the past few days, and I feel like I know most of what we need to know.
Which means that now there is time to worry about other things instead.
Will I have enough money to do something fun in Gothenburg after exams?
Will I have enough money to go to Japan for vacation?
Will I have enough money to buy a small house or apartment in the future...?
Will I have enough money to retire when I am old?!
Sometimes I feel like everything is a downward spiral and everything I want in life is right there in front of me but because I wasn't born into money it is unreachable to me. Doesn't really sound like a fair world, does it.
Even the idea of getting a scholarship in order to do a masters abroad seems like it could just slip out of my fingers. Sure, I did get a scholarship before, but this time is different and I would not be surprised if they all just simply rejected me right away for me just being me. Because I am weird, kind of. It doesn't impact my skills, I am a really good student, but being a good student isn't all they think about when considering who to choose for a scholarship.
I am also afraid that I will never be able to "become an author" because I suck too much at writing and I might never become good at it, and even if I did that doesn't guarantee anything.
I don't want to be a slave to the status quo system, working just to make a living and barely getting to spend time on what I want. I want what I want and I hate that I might not get any of it.
The future is a scary place I dare not think about for too long, because I only see the worst in it.
But now the exams are 2 days away and things have been pretty chill for the past few days, and I feel like I know most of what we need to know.
Which means that now there is time to worry about other things instead.
Will I have enough money to do something fun in Gothenburg after exams?
Will I have enough money to go to Japan for vacation?
Will I have enough money to buy a small house or apartment in the future...?
Will I have enough money to retire when I am old?!
Sometimes I feel like everything is a downward spiral and everything I want in life is right there in front of me but because I wasn't born into money it is unreachable to me. Doesn't really sound like a fair world, does it.
Even the idea of getting a scholarship in order to do a masters abroad seems like it could just slip out of my fingers. Sure, I did get a scholarship before, but this time is different and I would not be surprised if they all just simply rejected me right away for me just being me. Because I am weird, kind of. It doesn't impact my skills, I am a really good student, but being a good student isn't all they think about when considering who to choose for a scholarship.
I am also afraid that I will never be able to "become an author" because I suck too much at writing and I might never become good at it, and even if I did that doesn't guarantee anything.
I don't want to be a slave to the status quo system, working just to make a living and barely getting to spend time on what I want. I want what I want and I hate that I might not get any of it.
The future is a scary place I dare not think about for too long, because I only see the worst in it.
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